For years, I believed the way to change the thing I was stuck on was to try harder at it. Grip tighter. Get it right this time.
It never worked. And now I understand why.
It started with the smallest thing — a tiny mix-up with a company I’ve loved for years. Nothing dramatic. But in one unglamorous moment, where there was nothing to gain and no one watching, something didn’t match. Their beautiful words, and the closed door.
And it left me with a question I couldn’t put down — one that turned out to be just as much about me as about them.
Then it took me somewhere I didn’t expect: a dance floor in Bali, and two teachers. One who met every mistake with a furrowed brow — and froze me solid. And one who met every slip with delight — and set me free.
Because here’s the thing I’ve come to believe, all the way down: you cannot change a pattern from frozen. The harder we meet ourselves with contempt — why am I still like this, I should be past this by now — the more stuck we stay. There’s another way in. And it’s the opposite of trying harder.
This one weaves together the last two letters I wrote — the outer world, and the inner one — into a single question: does the inside match the outside?
What I cover in this episode:
- The tiny, unwatched moment that tells the truth about who we really are
- The two dance teachers who taught me everything about how we actually grow
- Why you cannot change a pattern from frozen — and the one thing that melts it
- The counterintuitive way to meet what you’re stuck on — so it finally moves.
- The one thread tying your business, your relationships, and your own inner world together
If you’ve ever worked so hard on the very thing you stay stuck in… this one’s for you.
I’d love to hear what lands for you — my inbox is always open, and you can always find me on Instagram @carmen_marshall.
Let’s get into it. ♡
